Sugar and Spice

I forgot how much I loved Wilson Phillips until I blasted it this morning on the way to Vacation Bible School. I tried to explain to Pumpkin what an amazing song this was and get her to fist pump to "some day, somebody's gonna make you want to turn around and say goodbye (say goodbye)...." She looked at me like I was crazy and asked me to turn it to Kidz Bop's version of Iggy Azalea. I tried. When I turned on and tuned out the K-I-D-Z, I started thinking about holding on. Parenting, I've discovered, is about a fine line of holding on and letting go. Like a see-saw. Holding on to their baby-ness while letting go as they test their wings. For other analyses, see all other deep (or mid-thigh high) posts I have attempted in the past. The "holding on" I was thinking about today had more to do with my sanity. In other words, in this context letting go would be a problem. These days I feel like I'm having to hold on extra tight not to lose it comp...

Today started Pumpkin's last week of preschool. You faithful readers know how hard it was when I dropped her off for her first day of daycare at 8-weeks old. She's been in "school" since that time, but for some reason "Kindergarten" was a hard step for mama. When I look at her, I scarcely see a baby. She asks questions that I cannot answer and has conversations that tell me, like the song she sang at PK graduation, she "will learn much more than I'll ever know." Sometimes she is so grown up I almost forget she's a little girl, at least for a little while longer. Then there's Bug. Suddenly she wears panties and sleeps in a big girl bed. She holds entire conversations and loves to play school. She idolizes her "sissy my best fwind." Her laugh is infectious, from the deepest, happiest place in her soul and she loves to laugh and make others laugh. They are growing so fast I sometimes wish I could make time stand st...

It's Saturday afternoon and everyone in the house is asleep for nap (Hubby included). It's quiet. My life is very rarely quiet. The lull of the dishwasher and hum of the dryer are almost therapeutic and boy have I needed some catharsis lately. Never fear. Nothing earth-shattering has occurred, other than enrolling Pumpkin for Kindergarten and having Bug almost fully potty-trained. They are growing up. My logical brain knew this would happen. I'm not sure my heart was ready for it, because it has brought with it a bittersweet heaviness. It is the eternal first world mother-struggle, so I know I'm not unique. I'm so fortunate that my "grave" concern is that they are growing too fast, rather than not growing; that I am trying to find more leisure time to spend with them and not worrying about where their next meal will come from. I am fortunate beyond belief and to even consider my woes as problems is almost selfish. Nonetheless, my humble and grateful he...

The Brown girls have had an eventful week. Hubby has been at a conference in Vegas all week (listen closely, there are no sad, sad violins playing for him). While he was gone, I turned 35. That's all there is to say about that. Also while he has been gone, Bug has had a mystery bug which delayed her starting her second daycare in one month after being yanked from the first one due to verbal abuse. And, somewhere in there, we celebrated Martin Lever King Day. As I previously reported, daycare #1 didn't get off to a great start. That was to be expected. Unfortunately, the bad start turned into worse and worse days the longer we stayed with it. The bad days turned into bad nights as she dreaded the morning. Suspicions were high, but I pushed that mother's intuition down. But then Nona paid a surprise visit to pick her up and walked in on a teacher screaming "SHUT UP" and my little Bug crying. No wonder she hated it so much. Sadly, it all started to make way to...

There's an anonymous prayer that makes its way around the internet and gets posted on office refrigerators called either A Prayer for Today or Morning Prayer. It's a tongue-in-cheek prayer about how perfect the speaker has been and ends with the revelation that he or she has not even gotten out of bed yet. Like most humor, it's funny because it is true. Like most truth, it stings a little. I'm the best mother I can be in the morning. I feel full of hope (at least once I'm full of coffee). I have plans for joy, learning, sharing, and loving. I drop my kids off and cannot wait to see them again. Then life happens. Then 5 o'clock rolls around. Most days I'm no longer the mother I want to be. I've got hungry, wound up tiny people literally hanging on me, both talking at the same time, asking for snacks, telling me of their days, all while I'm trying to go through mail and cook dinner. That's when I turn into a mother I'm embarrassed...

Apparently the best laid plans of mamas are much like those of mice and men. Last night was no exception. We've been sucked into the polar vortex. It's freezing. It's hard to get out of bed and all I want to do is drink hot chocolate. We're already jamming Christmas tunes in the car. It's that cold. It's so cold, in fact, that on the way to school yesterday I told Pumpkin I was already thinking about getting back in my jammies. So I made big plans for the Browns to get home from work and get in jammies, light a fire, and have grilled cheese and chili while we watch Christmas movies. So, I got home. We took baths. We were in jammies before 6 PM.  Hubby made grilled cheese and chili.  Holiday Inn was on Turner Classic Movies. The scene was set for my perfect cold night in. The girls, of course, had other plans. They were berserk. They couldn't get along for more than two minutes. They wouldn't eat. They were tired. They were hungry for anything...

It will never cease to amaze me how two sisters from the same parents, raised in the same household, who even look alike can be so very different. Yet in their differences, they have the same profound effects on their little old mama. They exhaust me to the point of thinking I might drop while simultaneously keeping me on the tip of my toes, and my heart full. Browns Unplugged has been a success. We have had quite a month, as Boo Boo turned two and fall began to roll in. Pumpkin was telling the sitter that she was going to attend her first football game earlier this week. With hands, hip, and head bobbing she explained to her that it will be her first football game and told her matter-of-factly: "I've been having a lot of firsts. I had a first school bus ride, a first football game..." She didn't note the irony in my voice when I told her that happens when you're four. She continues to push and stretch me as I learn to parent by parenting her. As much...