You Say It's Your Birthday! It's My Birthday Too, Yeah!

Six years ago today, almost to the minute now, I became a mommy.

Just typing those words makes the Earth stop spinning and my eyes well with tears.

Six years ago.

Pumpkin is not a baby anymore. She doesn't need me for every little thing. She doesn't need me for any little thing, really, although sometimes she still acts like she can't brush her own hair or tie her shoes.

But the truth is: she doesn't need me for any little thing.

She needs me now only for big, scary things.

I look back through these blogs and remember freaking out trying to find the right sippy cup, make sure she walked and talked on time, and that her ear infections stopped. All noble mommy causes in their own right. All nerve-wracking and consuming in their own time. How I wish any one of them were my biggest concern now.

These days I lose sleep over much heavier mama burdens like which friends she will choose, what choices she will make when I'm not looking, how comfortable she will be telling me things that I might not like, making sure she follows her heart but keeps her head, convincing myself to clip her wings, while holding her close as long as I can.

This child - this person - that God entrusted us with is such a paradox of beauty and depth and passion and soul. She can brighten an entire room with her smile and she can just as quickly darken the world with her eyes. She feels and knows thing that are beyond her years and even her own ability to fully comprehend. She's wise. She's a seer and an artist. Yet, when she gets the giggles there is no music on Earth that can compete in the utter joyfulness of the sound.

Six years ago she made me a mommy. But more that that, she made me a better person. She gave me love, hope, joy, and faith. She has taught me to see the world with new eyes and to experience true wonder. She has taught me to slow down, to listen, to admit to my weakness and to believe in my strength. In many ways, I strive to be more like her and pray that she always wants to be and is her own beautiful, strong, amazing self.

Happy birthday Pumpkin. mommy and daddy love you. Eat cake, stay up late, and laugh a lot. But most of all enjoy every minute of your life.

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