Skip to main content

What Wondrous Love



The last parade had rolled.
Bleary eyed we sat in the pew
waiting for ashes and forgiveness.
She sat next to me coloring
in her own little world;
a world where sin
is sneaking a cookie before dinner.
We listen to the Word:
“Be not like the hypocrites…”
thoughts of dinner and laundry interrupting
the well worn verses.
She whispers loudly
in the way that only a child can
“who are the hypocrites?”
I shush her;
in the way that only a mother can.
She whispers even louder
urgently even,
“BUT WHO ARE THE HYPOCRITES”
She is not just listening
like the rest of us.
She is hearing
The Word of God.
She needs to know who they are,
so she can be sure she is not like them,
Tears flood my eyes.
My throat closes, 
chest tight.
I kiss the top of her head,
but I cannot answer.
I cannot even whisper it softly,
because the answer is
I am them, baby.
All of us are.
But not you,
Not yet.
Be not like them, my love.
Keep listening.
Keep hearing.
Most of all, keep loving.
Love’s the only thing that
can stop you from being like them.
Like me.
Like us.
Love’s the only thing.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Her profession's her religion; Her sin is her lifelessness

Mother's Day 2019 was perfectly boring. It was an overcast, eat too much after church, take a nap, and go to the library kind of afternoon and I could not have asked for anything more. Mother's Day always brings with it bittersweet memories of the two little loves that allow me to celebrate this occasion. As kids do, they are getting big. I did not get one Mother's Day gift that had a hand print on it. It was a tinge sad. Like Mother's Day, the nearing end of school also makes me wax nostalgic. How could they be so old? Am I doing all the things to make them healthy, successful and most of all happy? I have been reading and thinking a lot about Grace lately. In the context of mothering, I need a lot of it; yet, until lately I'm not sure I had a real understanding of it (or as much of an understanding as one can have of something like Grace). Anyone who really knows me knows that I am a doer, a pleaser, an achiever, and a ball of anxious worry hidden behind...

Hello! The Phone is Ringing So I Say Hello!

I’m not sure what I expected, really. I guess I thought that when Pumpkin officially crossed the one year threshold into toddler-hood that things miraculously got easier. I had a little parenting-confidence and puffed my chest out just a little as I slowly toddled with her, grasping onto my index finger, to the doctor’s office for her one year appointment (see video for an idea of how slow slow is). I sat proudly in the “well baby” room (a place we haven’t spent much time) remembering the days I sat in that same room crying, looking frantically around for a spare diaper and praying they wouldn’t call her name before I could unhook her from her carseat (which took a long time back then) and changed her diaper. One year later here I was. We had come so far. I was proud of us and I looked at those new mothers with a little knowing pity. In all my one year of wisdom, I sat there glowing with the realization that the hard times were behind us. I didn’t have a “baby” anymore, I had a toddle...

Enter Sandman

It’s already happened – I have already been faced by the heartbreaking reality that I will not always be able to make everything better for Pumpkin. I knew one day she would face loss, or heartbreak, or defeat and I would have to come to this realization, but I never knew it would be so soon. We are raising a pretty sheltered little girl and I was hoping we could just keep her happy and naïve for as long as possible. Then someone taught her about fear. Fear. It’s such a complex, lonely feeling. I wish she never had to feel it. I haven’t even let her watch Jake and the Neverland Pirates because there is a well-defined “bad guy” in Captain Hook – instead I make her stick to Mickey, Dora, and Blue who have no known enemies. But lo and behold, someone taught her to fear. It started with big dogs. She has always loved dogs. Then, one day, out of nowhere, she declared that big dogs were “keery.” No big dog has ever harmed her or even gotten within arm’s length of her without adult ...