Sugar and Spice

Pumpkin's been going through a little bit of a mama-phase lately. Her teachers are convinced it is because she really "knows" that a new baby is on its way (she acknowledges "Maggie belly", i.e., Maggie is in mama's belly, but when asked whether Maggie is going to come live responds with a drawn out and incredulous "Nooooooooo," as if we are foolish to ask such a thing). I thought maybe she was feeling a little under the weather. Either way, she's admittedly always a mama's girl but lately has been a REAL mama's girl. My usually independent "Aly do it" little Pumpkin has been wanting to be held and carried and coddled constantly. Most of the time I relish it, and though it does make it HARD to get some things done, I have tried to make the best of it -even having her help me make blueberry pancakes and getting her to do prenatal yoga DVDs with me. The one thing that has remained difficult and is getting harder by the minute,

I had a moment last night. A moment of absolute peace and deep love. A moment that brought tears to my eyes and nearly brought me to my knees with thankfulness. I am so thankful for my little family. I am so thankful to have been blessed to be Pumpkin and her new baby sister's mommy. But I am also thankful for God's mercy and forgiveness. That moment I had last night, as simple as it was, did not come without the shameful recognition of my own shortcomings as a mother. Let me back up. I have always dreaded giving Pumpkin a bath. I feel guilty and judged even uttering the words, but it's true, I hated bath time. I would begrudgingly drag her in there short tempered and hurried, douse her head in water, scrub her down, and then sit nearby while she played with one eye on her and the other on my email or a book. I'd yank her out of there against her will and demand that she dry off and put on pajamas. And those were the days I didn't just force her to