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All You Need is Love


I have used the word "love" before many times in my life. I love God, I love Aaron, I love my family and friends, I love diet coke. I had experienced all these different kinds of love. And particularly since I was an English major and consider myself somewhat well read, I was certain I knew all about love - I had read it, written it, said it, and lived it.


Little did I know that on May 6, 2010 my entire world would change in one little 6 pound 12 ounce instant. I will tell you up front that what I'm going to discuss here is something that cannot be explained. Parents know it, the rest can only imagine. To paraphrase the late Justice Stewart, it is one of those "you'll know it when you see it" kind of things. However, I will make an unavoidably weak attempt to explain it for purposes of filling up Blog space.


The enigma to which I refer is the love of a child. From the minute her dimpled face was on my chest for the first time, still covered in goo and screaming like a Banshee, I knew my life would never be the same. I love her deep down in my soul. It's a physical, almost painful emotion. It makes my heart feel like it might expand beyond the confines of my chest at any moment. It makes me simultaneously well up with tears, swell with pride, smile with joy, and tense up with fear. It is completely overwhelming, taking over my entire heart, mind, and body at all times. I sometimes worry that I will be unable to function because the love I feel for Pumpkin is so incredible. It is all-consuming and awe-inspiring. It makes me the weakest and most vulnerable I have ever felt, while at the same time giving me strength I never knew I had. It envigorates me, inspires me, all while also calming me and giving me a peace in my soul I never knew existed.


While my love of Pumpkin is complicated, it is also the most simple and beautifully pure thing in the world. There are days where life overwhelms me. There seem to be a lot of those days lately. Between work, finances, health, family, friends, and a seemingly endless laundry list of other worries (including the laundry itself), there are lots of moments I just want to run away, cry, scream, or some combination thereof. Yet, no matter how bad my day is, the moment I walk into the daycare and her little eyes find me and that dimpled smile spreads slowly across her face, I am reminded that nothing else in this world is important.


I honestly can hardly remember what Aaron and I used to do with our evenings before Pumpkin. What I do know is that I can now lose myself for hours sitting on the floor watching her swat a toy dangling from her play gym while talking complete nonesense to her. I can literally lose all track of time just laying next to her encouraging her to roll over. And there is nothing I look more forward to every day then putting her in her bath tub and watching her splash and play. While in some respects life got infinitely more complicated with her birth, it was also simplified in the most amazing way. I not only get to experience this effortless yet labyrinthine love, but I also get to re-experience all of life's joys and mysteries through her eyes. Watching Pumpkin stare with delight at a ceiling fan or a mobile reminds me that life does not have to be as hard as we make it. It really is the little things (and people). The Beatles had it right: all I need is love.


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