I gave a seminar last week to the management team of one of my client’s business. As an employment lawyer we do that sometimes, purportedly to keep our clients out of trouble or, at a minimum, to make our jobs easier when they do get in trouble (because they have followed our advice and documented their files, for example).
The topic du jour was discipline. Seems like discipline is my topic du jour every day these days. As I was preparing for that seminar, I came across the definition of discipline which is “to teach.” Not, “to punish,” although we often associate discipline with punishment. It was then that I realized that discipline is the same whether you are disciplining a 2 year old or a 42 year old. The same rules (“The Three Cs” as my PowerPoint referred to them) apply – calm, clear, consistent.
And it’s true, when I discipline Pumpkin the goal is not to punish her (God knows I could go forever without doing that and be happy) but just to teach her something. In fact, we do not even have that many rules – the ones we do have mostly have a safety or well-being element associated with them that require their enforcement. So we really, truly are trying to teach her.
Unfortunately, I seem to be a lot better about presenting PowerPoint’s on discipline than actually invoking it. At least with my little Pumpkin.
Actually, it isn’t really discipline that is the problem. Hubby and I, almost without fail, calmly, clearly, and consistently administer discipline. Like I said, we don’t have that many rules. We try not to say “no” more than necessary. We redirect; we discuss consequences; we give praise and positive attention. We even go to the “thinking chair” when necessary. I honestly don’t think we have a problem with discipline. The problem is a complete and utter lack of respect on the part of Pumpkin. I’d love to see someone’s PowerPoint on how to get that.
It really hit me like a ton of bricks this week. The weekend was a yucky wet, cold one and we spent a lot of time inside. Pumpkin was understandably restless. We had a few incidences of slapping mama and dada that had to be dealt with. When I mentioned this to Miss Lana and Miss Gaynell on Monday to see if she was having similar problems at school they were appalled. Miss Lana told Pumpkin in no uncertain terms that she was “not the parent” and had to “be nice and listen.” Pumpkin humbly lowered her head and listened with her big, tear-filled eyes cast down but peering up at Miss Lana as she spoke. So, yes, I tattled on Pumpkin, but what I learned was that she RESPECTS those ladies.
Fast forward to yesterday afternoon. I’m driving home and realize that sweet little Pumpkin has a plastic hair clip in her mouth and has broken it in her teeth. I ask her nicely to take it out of her mouth. She smiles at me in the rear view mirror with it between her teeth. At the red light I put my hand back for her to give it to me. Just out of reach, she flashes me that plastic smile again. I’m getting frustrated, but I keep calmly explaining why she should take it out of her mouth and how dangerous it is. Then I resort to bribery, threatening to take away her Valentine treats if she does not take the thing out of her mouth. Nothing worked. I finally pulled into the driveway, physically removed it from her mouth, and denied her the candy as I had threatened. Game on.
None of it phased her one bit. In fact, that was just the beginning of our evening which included food and cup throwing at dinner and running around the house like a naked Banshee when it was time for a shower. I tried lectures, time outs, ignoring her. Nothing seemed to sink in. It was all really amusing to her and that time out was just a little break that she knew she could end on command with a sweet “Sah-wee” and a hug.
Just when I was feeling like pulling my own hair out, she cuddled up next to me with a stack of her little books and began “reading” to herself. At the end of every book, she would shut it and say “Amen” (confusing the ends of prayers with the ends of books). My heart melted. What a sweet little angel baby she is.
And she is. Our “discipline problem” is really not so much a problem as a minor frustration. A growing pain, if you will. We recognize that. We know we have the sweetest little Pumpkin in the world and thank God every day for her. I just wish I commanded half the respect Miss Lana did. Amen.
Comments
Post a Comment