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Alleluia, Alleluia

Today is a bittersweet day for our family. Hubby is in Illinois saying goodbye to his sweet Grandmother Margaret. She was truly an angel on this Earth and I am so blessed to have known her and for her to have loved me and Pumpkin. There was something about her hug and the way she looked deep into my eyes to tell me she loved me every time I saw her. It was something I could never articulate in words. It was that she looked at me with Jesus' eyes, with His love, and with His gentle spirit. She knew Him, she loved Him, and she loved her family with His unconditional love. As I said when I learned of her passing, if she isn't in Heaven, then there is no Heaven. The sweetness of her passing is that she is reunited with her loved ones - a husband, two grown sons, an infant grandson, and our two angel babies. Sweeter still, she is with her Maker, her Savior, and her Lord. She is no longer suffering. The bitter part is obvious - perhaps selfish, but we will miss her. At first I was sad that she would not meet this second baby I am carrying. Then I realized, just like my dear Mee Maw before her, that Grandma Brown is getting to know my baby right now. Knowing, loving, and holding my baby before I ever do. In a few months, Mee Maw and Grandma will send that precious child down to us and I will know s/he has been kissed by both of them, is loved by both of them, and is watched over by both of them. I will know that a little part of the wonderful woman they both were lives on in my baby's spirit. In that I find solace. As I thought of Grandma Brown this morning on the way to school and work, Pumpkin started shouting out her song requests from the backseat. I think it was no coincedence that the ENTIRE way to school this morning she wanted to sing "lolla-loo-ya" (a/k/a "Alleluia, Give Thanks to the Risen Lord"). We both sang the glory of His mercy and I knew that Grandma Brown was smiling down on us then, maybe with our new little baby in her arms at that very moment. And it was in that moment that I realized how truly blessed I am. It is so easy to forget that, to get caught up in the hustle, the bustle, the frustration, and the worry. It's easy to focus on what goes wrong and the sleep I miss and the fact that Pumpkin already knows how to roll her eyes. It's easy to feel hopeless. But it is also hopeless. I choose to be blessed. I choose to count those blessings every day, to make every moment count, and to never let anyone I care about question my love for them. I know one day Pumpkin won't like me smothering her in kisses and randomly telling her how much I love her, but I will do it anyway. My babies will never question my love for them, even when they are making me want to pull my hair out (it's inevitable). I will sing Alleluia every day - because as I learned today, it just can't be that bad when you are praising Him. Happy Monday - give Thanks to the Risen Lord!

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