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Mother, Mother, There's too many of you crying...


As my last post may have hinted at, I've been feeling very existential about motherhood. I feel very much that being a mother is the most complicated, intense, profound and deeply rewarding experience I have ever had.  From the moment that you feel the first flutter, there truly are no words to describe the constant roller coaster of overwhelming emotion.  This is ironic since I am writing a blog about motherhood that I am always finding myself at a loss for a word big enough or powerful enough to truly capture my emotion.

I am now a part of a long line of mothers near and far, old and young, who want the same exact thing for their children that I want for mine. I want their basic needs met.  I want them to experience joy, love, success, pride, and peace.  I never want them to want.  I never want them to hurt.  In whatever language, on whatever continent, we are all mothers.  We are connected by our love.  We hurt for each other though we have never met.  We long for a better world.  We are sometimes paralyzed by fear but forced to remain strong.  We cry ourselves to sleep worrying about the unknown and the unknowable.

Yet through all that pain, we also share a brilliant hope that has no equal.  We have the honor and great privilege of seeing true beauty through the eyes of our innocent babies.  We are blessed with a chance to relive all of life's glory with purpose and meaning.  We have faith in the unseen.  Having borne life into this world we know God firsthand and can only begin to understand the sacrifice of his Son.  As mothers, we possess a deep and indescribable love that in its complexity forces us to cherish the simple and profound.  We understand that the frailty of life is what makes it remarkable.

It really goes without saying to anyone who knows me, but I'll say it anyway - I am
not a hippie. I'm not a tree hugging, barefooting, granola munching activist. I like air conditioning, make up, and frivolity. I eat meat. I own a leather coat.

But having said that, it's Earth Day and I'm feeling a little green. It helps that is a gorgeous 75 degrees and sunny.  It helps that I have two beautiful little girls who giggle when the wind hits their faces and who scrunch their noses up when their bare feet touch the tickly blades of grass.

While the world of late has raised many questions for which I have no answer, I was reminded in church yesterday that it is not my job to answer the questions.  Certainly, I may ask them, but I must also be okay not knowing the answer.  I must rest in the peace of knowing I am not in control and do not have to be.  The world does not revolve around me and the same God who set it into motion is watching over me.  I don't understand why these things happen, but I do know that while they were not God's plan, He will take what is His and make it whole and glorious.

So today, I choose to pray.  I will pray for those who mourn and weep.  I will pray for those who are lost.  I will pray with thanksgiving for my beautiful life.  I will pray without ceasing.  And as I pray, I will also listen for God's still small voice and I expect I will hear it in that wind that whistles through those blades of glass that elicit the giggles that make my life worth living.

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