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Over and Over

As we are getting our first tastes of sweet fall air (only in the early morning and late evening, mind you, but still tastes), I have finally slowed down enough to write. We've had quite a summer between moving, Bug's first beach trip, Pumpkin's swimming lessons, and weeks and weeks of good ol' fashion fun in the sun.

For those inquiring minds, be advised that Bug (despite her name) appears to hate all things elemental. From the sun to the sand, the waves to the wind, she was having NONE of the beach. The moment she hit the air conditioning at the condo, all smiles. I now know what it must have been like to raise me, but at least I found my own ride to the top of the mountain when I didn't want to hike.

Aside from her disdain for the outdoors, Bug is growing like a weed. She's moments away from walking and every time we stand her up to "practice" she stares down at her feet with a look that says "come on feet, do your thing" followed by a little confusion that they aren't responding. She continues to out eat her sister at every meal and we have yet to find a food that she doesn't like.

Pumpkin on the other hand just started PreK 3 and swim lessons and dance lessons. I have to admit I was a little emotional when I realized that with all these "classes" she is no longer a baby but a real life little girl. Of course, its no sooner that she says something so grown up I have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not in a Subaru commercial that I then see her curled up on the floor by her sister's crib because she is scared to sleep alone and I'm quickly reminded she is just a sweet timid three year old.

If you would have asked me yesterday what we've been up to I would have replied with some blank "you know, not much," but as I sit here and look in on the past couple of months I realize that much has happened. I guess that's what they mean by the days are long but the years are short.

Speaking of the days, lately I've started to feel like Bill Murray in Groundhog's Day. It's not even the repetitiveness of wake up, dress, breakfast, school, home, supper, bath, read, bed, do it again (though that certainly contributes) but it is the fact that I find myself not only doing the same thing but having the exact same conversations every single day. From "I don't want to go to class" to "why does Miss Angela only teach two year olds" and my answers of "you have to go to class" and "Miss Angela teaches the little kids so they can learn all the two year old stuff and Miss Ashley teaches you the three year old stuff."

Add to that listening to the same two songs every morning in the car ("Ariel" and "the Yellow Princess") followed by her asking me every evening when I walk in the door "who was at your work" to which I respond with a list of my co-workers and then every single day she asks "were there two Toms" (because one time I had a meeting with two Toms and thought it would be funny to tell her that) and since usually there is only one Tom I say "no only one Tom" and she always ends the conversation with "Poor Tom."

Because I'm human, sometimes my answers to these questions are a little snappier or a little delayed (which causes her to just ask them over and over without end until I answer) and I have realized that the only thing that changes every day is my emotion and reaction to her. My response to her little questions directly correlates to how our day is going to go. I saw it on her face last week when we were having the daily conversation about getting in the carseat and I snapped a little because we were running late and her face fell and her head dropped and tears filled her eyes. It was in that moment that (in addition to feeling 1 inch tall) I recognized that she isn't so much my mirror as my little barometer. She keeps me in check and as soon as my pressure rises, I see it in her eyes and if I don't stabilize quickly I lose her cooperation rapidly.

So let me answer that original question another way, what I've been up to is not "not much".  I've been growing as a human being and trying to raise two of my own (or three if you ask Hubby's friends :) ); I'm learning to display peace and love and joy to my children; and I'm making memories with them that I hope they look back on fondly. As I'm writing this my bro and his lovely wife are just days away from starting this parenting journey and I'm here to tell them, while sometimes it feels like Groundhog's Day there is no more tangible display of God's love and grace and mercy on this Earth than having a child.

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