It is, indeed, the most absolutely fantastical, magical, wonderful time of the year. As I drove to work this morning singing carols with the girls I could not help but remember a time where I was more grinch-like than Christ-like in my holiday preparations. I used to look towards the holidays cynically; gripe about the commercialization and groan at the cheer-givers in the elevator. Looking back I know now that it was me - I didn't allow the magic of Christmas into my heart. It was always there. Always has been. He always has been - that Christ-child whose coming we prepare for and celebrate during these crazy, glorious times.
It took two new sets of eyes in the form of my awe-struck and awe-inspiring baby girls to really renew the spirit of the season in me. Christmas-time is no less hectic, no less commercial that before; traffic is as crazy as ever and people are as rude as ever. Yet, I now know beyond a shadow of any doubt that I am amongst God's creation at every turn. I am preparing a place for Him in my heart, but He is already here - among us and inside of us.
I am trying to be more mindful of these truths. I am trying to weed out the things in my life, my heart, and my calendar that take away from my recognition of His ever-present love in my life. To be quite cliche, I'm trying not to sweat the small stuff. For example, yesterday I found myself offering a silent prayer that the person who cut me off in traffic to turn across four-lanes into Wal-Mart not only arrived there safely and scooped up whatever deal she was looking for, but that she found that deeper Love of Christ we are all searching for whether we know it or not. Since the holidays began this year, my own family hasn't been to bed on time or gotten everything I've wanted done in any given day (our tree still has no ornaments), but we have laughed a little more, lingered together a little longer, and said sweet words more often. I hope we can capture this love and maintain it year-round.
Now, let me not give you the false sense that life is all gumdrops and candy canes at the Brown house. It's not. For one thing, Bug is now walking in full force and that puts mama's little heart and eyes on constant full alert. Rather than a totter, she has a little bit more of a stagger, which she does with her right arm cocked at a 45 degree angle in front of her and her wrist bent down like a princess in waiting. Her transformation from baby-dom to toddler-dom happened literally overnight during our Thanksgiving visit in Florida and it has turned all of our worlds a little upside down. Just as soon as I'm about to take what I am sure is my last breath in anticipation of a tragic tumble, she turns around with that innocent and mischevious face to offer one of her signature "huh-huh" chuckles.
Pumpkin, on the other hand, is in full Christmas mode. She's singing carols, making lists for Santa, oohing and ahhing every decoration, and searching each morning for Crazy Legs, our Elf on the Shelf. Last year I couldn't wait for the days when she would really "get" the whole Santa thing and now I'm stressing a little about keeping up this charade for years to come. Anyone who knows her can attest to the fact that the child is wise beyond her years.
This morning, Crazy Legs was found hanging from a light fixture which she had decorated with Candy Canes from the North Pole. Pumpkin was delighted at the discovery. She ran to tell her daddy and ran back to make sure it was still true. Yet after a few moments of standing in absolute awe, I could see the wheels in her wise mind turning and her joy turn to questioning and even a hint of skepticism. She looked at me with one eye cocked to ask about the mechanics of how the candy canes were hung on the light fixture and how the tiny elf carried so many candy canes. Luckily she could not visibly see or hear the rate at which my heart began to race as I calmly replied "I suppose it's because of her magic" and redirected her to her breakfast. She's already questioning me at 3, how oh how will I keep this up through double digits. At least I am hopeful that my little Bug will just "huh-huh" the elf and be happy to see her (and CANDY!).
Just as soon as I begin to doubt she's really three, her childlike and unconditional love shines through. After skating by the elf question, we were en route to school and an angelic rendition of The First Noel came on the radio. Pumpkin - without a bit of humor in her voice and in all honesty - asked whether that was her Nona singing. Now, anyone who knows Nona knows that she is the emodiment of the Lord's instruction that we make a "joyful" noise, but not necessarily one on key or in tune. Yet, Pumpkin's question made me wonder whether perhaps Nona's joyful noise really is beautiful. Perhaps if we were more Christlike, childlike, we would hear the angelic sound that Pumpkin apparently hears. Then, of course, after those thoughts, I had to just laugh.
I will try to write more in the coming days, weeks, and months, but make no promises. Life is speeding by and I hate to miss a single moment. Until we meet again, prepare ye the way for He is indeed coming and is here! Enjoy His presence and this wild ride!
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