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For the First Time in Forever

It will never cease to amaze me how two sisters from the same parents, raised in the same household, who even look alike can be so very different. Yet in their differences, they have the same profound effects on their little old mama. They exhaust me to the point of thinking I might drop while simultaneously keeping me on the tip of my toes, and my heart full.


Browns Unplugged has been a success. We have had quite a month, as Boo Boo turned two and fall began to roll in.


Pumpkin was telling the sitter that she was going to attend her first football game earlier this week. With hands, hip, and head bobbing she explained to her that it will be her first football game and told her matter-of-factly: "I've been having a lot of firsts. I had a first school bus ride, a first football game..." She didn't note the irony in my voice when I told her that happens when you're four.


She continues to push and stretch me as I learn to parent by parenting her. As much as she never quits talking (in fact, she told me she was considering being an attorney because she never wants to stop talking), she also never stops absorbing eve
rything around her. This is a blessing and a curse, of course.


It makes me cringe when she overhears an adult conversation (after a media scare earlier in the week about a possible shooter she heard me tell someone to lock the door and was interrogating me about why I felt the need to say it). Then, there are the times, when it tickles me pink. That would include earlier in the week when she was on the potty and I hear a gasp of delight from the bathroom. Then I hear the most delighted voice saying "mama, I looooove the new toilet paper."


Then there's Boo Boo, whose only goal in life right now is to either be just like Sissy or to make Sissy laugh. As Pumpkin was getting ready for dance class I saw Boo's face start to crumble and she whimpered "no sissy." After I explained that sissy had to go to dance, Boo jumped to her feet and said "I wanna dance" as she started shaking her booty and galloping spastically around the room.


But not to fear, she's starting to find her own voice too. The other night as I was putting on her jammies like I do every other night, she pointed angrily to the puppy dogs on her pants and says "no me jahm." After 20 questions, I realized she was saying she did not want to wear those particular pajamas and preferred to choose her own (Minnie Mouse, which she now insists on every night). Also, when I woke her up last weekend and said "good morning Boo Boo" I was greeted with a big proud smile as she pointed to her chest and said "I Maggie!"


Pumpkin is breathtakingly creative, finding creatures in the clouds and drawing pictures that I am certain are objectively beautiful. Boo could care less about ever touching another color but loves to bang, make noise, and scream for no good reason other than to give herself a reason to laugh. Pumpkin hates goodbyes, making them physically painful for everyone who has to endure one of her glares. Boo is happy to give a kiss and be on her way. Pumpkin loves the outdoors, Boo only wants to be "side" (read: inside).


Just when I think they cannot be more different, I walk up on something like I did a few nights ago - they were on the floor in Boo's room with nothing in front of them, just saying silly words to each other and then erupting into the most genuine, deepest belly laughs, complete with side-eye tears and rolling on the ground. They didn't realize I was standing there for several minutes. They didn't realize I also had tears in my eyes, but for different reasons. They will never realize how a mama's heart can be so full it literally hurts and that you can love harder, deeper, and more than words can ever describe.  They will never realize...until they are mamas themselves.

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