I tried.
When I turned on and tuned out the K-I-D-Z, I started thinking about holding on. Parenting, I've discovered, is about a fine line of holding on and letting go. Like a see-saw. Holding on to their baby-ness while letting go as they test their wings. For other analyses, see all other deep (or mid-thigh high) posts I have attempted in the past.
The "holding on" I was thinking about today had more to do with my sanity. In other words, in this context letting go would be a problem. These days I feel like I'm having to hold on extra tight not to lose it completely.
I don't mean this in a cry-for-help sort of way. I just thought summertime was supposed to be when the living was easy. For my kids it seems to be the complete opposite. They are overstimulated, unstructured, and exhausted to the point of 7 Faces of Eve insanity. They are laughing hysterically one minute and in tears the next.
While they've been swimming, swinging, singing, and playing themselves into the n-th degree of tiredness, I have been working, each day envisioning going home to a couple of hours of Beaver Cleaver family time, eating together at the table followed by family game night. Almost simultaneously with walking through the doors my dreams are shattered by either the maniacal laughing or the crying or the tattling. O. M. G. the tattling.
As I am trying to slop together something that resembles a balanced dinner, I have Bug sitting on the pantry floor eating anything that is on the one shelf she can reach. Her drug of choice is usually CheezIts. At the same time, as a diversion perhaps, Pumpkin is watching me cook and explaining exactly why she does not like any ingredient that I have taken out to cook the meal that she requested that same morning. Then one of them looks at the other one for one second too long and the fighting ensues followed by the tattling. O. M. G. the tattling.
Coupled with all of this madness is the fact that Bug has found her nighttime freedom. She has been in her big girl bed for a few months now, but only recently did she realize she could get OUT of it without us coming to get her. The first few nights she just yelled my name from the top of the stairs. Then she got a little braver and started yelling my name from the bottom of the stairs. Next, she came right on down with her wet diaper in her hand and gave it to me. Add to all of this two mornings ago when we went to wake her up and she had toys in her bed that are kept in the play room.
So we have been working on having her stay in bed. I will just put it right out front that I am not above bribing my children. In fact, I can't think of a single parenting feat that I have overcome without some degree of bribery. I'm not proud of it, but it's a fact. So we have been bribing Bug with a trip to the toy store if she will just NOT WAKE ME UP for one week.
Night one we get ready for bed and she repeats her mantra over and over, "I not wake mommy up. It not nice to wake mommy up." I had little to no faith that she would actually NOT wake mommy up, but when my body automatically woke up expecting to hear her she wasn't screaming. She actually slept (or at least stayed in her room) all night. When we woke her up she was so proud of herself she literally couldn't help but grin through closed eyes.
Night two we are expecting great results. We have REALLY played up the toy store thing. The mantra was repeated, "I not wake mommy up." Unfortunately, 2 AM told a different tale.
But we give it another try. Again, "I not wake mommy up. Not nice to wake up mommy." I put her down. We watch a couple episodes of Walking Dead before turning out the light to sleep. I am just dozing off when I hear a door open and shut. I peer over the cover and expect to see a little shadow, but nobody is there. I walk out of my room...nothing. Then I'm convinced I was either more deeply asleep than I thought OR there was a walker in the house. I close my eyes again. The sound of a door opening and shutting. Wishing I had an ax now, just in case. Finally, the third time I hear the door it is followed closely by "mommy." Not a walker, just my own cute little zombie baby.
While trying to bribe Bug to stay in bed, I am also bribing Pumpkin (same bribe) to use manners and quit arguing with me, Bug, and anyone else who doesn't give her exactly what she wants. Oh, and to quit tattling (have I mentioned there is a LOT of tattling going on at our house these days). We jokingly refer this package of behavior as being "Agreeable Aly." We tell her if she is Agreeable Aly for one week we will go to the toy store.
At first she agrees. Then she starts to mull it over in that way too big brain of hers. She approaches me about our deal. She tell me "you know, it really isn't fair because staying in your room is easy but I don't even know what being agreeable means really." Honestly, that is as close to verbatim as it comes. In other words she is pointing out the disparity between a concrete goal (i.e., stay in your room) and an abstract one (i.e., fulfill someone else's definition of what it means to be "agreeable.").
Geez. What do you say to that? What do you say to that when you are exhausted from the night-walker and work and saying 100,000,000 times in 2 hours "be nice to your sister and quit tattling"? What can you possibly say when she is right?
Nothing. There is nothing to say. I was defeated (only the battle, not the war).
All I can do is tell myself to "hold on for one more day" and not to "break free, break from the chains."
Comments
Post a Comment