Relationships are so easy when you're three. Honestly, everything (or at some very important things) I need to know about relationships I could learn from my girls, if I'd only listen.
First, always let people know what you want (or don't want). My girls never hold back on what they want - whether it be the dreaded-by-all-adults question of "what should we have for supper" or a simple Saturday afternoon question of what should we do - they tell it like it is (or at least Pumpkin does, though Bug makes her opinions known in her own way). Sometimes it stings a little, when for whatever reason they don't want to participate in whatever great idea I had planned for them or they just aren't in the mood for tickles or kisses, but I never wonder whether there are ulterior motives or if their actions are motivated by guilt. There aren't and they aren't.
Second, and in the same vein, always let people know how you feel. Emotions get complicated and icky and sticky when you get older, though as I sit here today I can't figure out why that is. The emotions themselves really aren't any more complicated than when we were three. We love, we get mad, we get sad, we feel sorry, we forgive. As I think on it, maybe it isn't the emotion that gets complicated but our response to it. We feel like we "shouldn't" get mad/sad/frustrated/etc. or even that we shouldn't feel happy/joy/silly. Maybe it's that we wonder how our emotion is being received by others. Whatever it is, when you're three you just don't have it and just don't care. You feel what you feel and you aren't afraid to say it. Luckily for me, most of the time I get "I love you and I like you" from Pumpkin, which means alot of if you think about it.
Third, don't waste time trying to complicate friendships. Pumpkin explained to me last night that "so-and-so wasn't her friend because he always passed her when she was the leader" and "so-and-so someone else wasn't her friend because she always runs away when Pumpkin tries to play with her." Pretty clear cut to me. If someone runs away when you try to play with them, not your friend (at least not that day) and if someone cuts in line, also not your friend. Pumpkin isn't pining away chasing the friend that's running or allowing herself to be cut. She just writes those folks off as "not friends."
The flip side of that is that I will not be surprised in the least if today both of those little ones are back on the best friends list. That's because kids forgive. Easily. Without question most of the time. They don't hold onto past wrongs. I can snap a little too quickly at a question (usually about the 1,000th time it's been asked) and as soon as I say sorry and squeeze her tight she's as good as forgotten my past transgression. She doesn't recall it five minutes later, much less five months or years later. I've yet to have an encounter with her where she threw something from the past in my face. I admit I need to take special note of that one.
And once you've got those friends, don't be afraid to put yourself out there while, at the same time, accepting them where they are. Pumpkin proudly came home from school not too long ago and announced to me that she had invited her friend to play but that "so-and-so from her class didn't want to go to Nona and Pop's." She didn't understand why he didn't want to go to Nona and Pop's becasue she liked to go there, but she shrugged it off as if to say "his loss." The next day she proudly informed me that the same boy DID, in fact, want to come play at our house. This told me that not only was she confident enough to invite that friend to one of her favorite places (Nona and Pop's), but she was okay when he said no. She didn't read more into it than was intended and she didn't take it personally. To the contrary, she invited him to another of her favorite places the very next day and was happy as a lark that he accepted.
So, once again, I'm just trying to take in all the lessons these amazing little gals are teaching me and I'm feeling blessed to call them MY daughters and my littlest friends.
First, always let people know what you want (or don't want). My girls never hold back on what they want - whether it be the dreaded-by-all-adults question of "what should we have for supper" or a simple Saturday afternoon question of what should we do - they tell it like it is (or at least Pumpkin does, though Bug makes her opinions known in her own way). Sometimes it stings a little, when for whatever reason they don't want to participate in whatever great idea I had planned for them or they just aren't in the mood for tickles or kisses, but I never wonder whether there are ulterior motives or if their actions are motivated by guilt. There aren't and they aren't.
Second, and in the same vein, always let people know how you feel. Emotions get complicated and icky and sticky when you get older, though as I sit here today I can't figure out why that is. The emotions themselves really aren't any more complicated than when we were three. We love, we get mad, we get sad, we feel sorry, we forgive. As I think on it, maybe it isn't the emotion that gets complicated but our response to it. We feel like we "shouldn't" get mad/sad/frustrated/etc. or even that we shouldn't feel happy/joy/silly. Maybe it's that we wonder how our emotion is being received by others. Whatever it is, when you're three you just don't have it and just don't care. You feel what you feel and you aren't afraid to say it. Luckily for me, most of the time I get "I love you and I like you" from Pumpkin, which means alot of if you think about it.
Third, don't waste time trying to complicate friendships. Pumpkin explained to me last night that "so-and-so wasn't her friend because he always passed her when she was the leader" and "so-and-so someone else wasn't her friend because she always runs away when Pumpkin tries to play with her." Pretty clear cut to me. If someone runs away when you try to play with them, not your friend (at least not that day) and if someone cuts in line, also not your friend. Pumpkin isn't pining away chasing the friend that's running or allowing herself to be cut. She just writes those folks off as "not friends."
The flip side of that is that I will not be surprised in the least if today both of those little ones are back on the best friends list. That's because kids forgive. Easily. Without question most of the time. They don't hold onto past wrongs. I can snap a little too quickly at a question (usually about the 1,000th time it's been asked) and as soon as I say sorry and squeeze her tight she's as good as forgotten my past transgression. She doesn't recall it five minutes later, much less five months or years later. I've yet to have an encounter with her where she threw something from the past in my face. I admit I need to take special note of that one.
And once you've got those friends, don't be afraid to put yourself out there while, at the same time, accepting them where they are. Pumpkin proudly came home from school not too long ago and announced to me that she had invited her friend to play but that "so-and-so from her class didn't want to go to Nona and Pop's." She didn't understand why he didn't want to go to Nona and Pop's becasue she liked to go there, but she shrugged it off as if to say "his loss." The next day she proudly informed me that the same boy DID, in fact, want to come play at our house. This told me that not only was she confident enough to invite that friend to one of her favorite places (Nona and Pop's), but she was okay when he said no. She didn't read more into it than was intended and she didn't take it personally. To the contrary, she invited him to another of her favorite places the very next day and was happy as a lark that he accepted.
So, once again, I'm just trying to take in all the lessons these amazing little gals are teaching me and I'm feeling blessed to call them MY daughters and my littlest friends.
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