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The Monster Mash






Those of you who don't know me too well may be surprised to learn that I can be a real meanie. I could explain away why that is - probably something to do with being a short, young female in a competitive and aggressive profession dominated by loud, old men. In any event, I have to admit that sometimes I can a bit of a bully. At work, it usually ends well. The problem is when it comes home with me.


Add to that the fact that I am a bad disciplinarian. I don't like to discipline my kids. For one, it puts a damper on what we have going on (i.e., if she can't go to the party, I can't go to the party). I understand that is immature and selfish and don't you dare think for a minute that I didn't REALLY reconsider even typing those words. But this blog is all about being honest and that is the truth. Fortunately for me I have some really, really, really wonderful kids. But, they are kids. They fight and argue and sass and sometimes they need to be disciplined.


When you combine "bully" with "bad at discipline" you get a really lethal combination of bad mothering. In fact, sometimes it's like an out-of-body experience of watching myself be a terrible mom. I make these really evil, semi-spastic big eye faces at them, teeth gritted. I threaten "if you don't..." or "you better..." or "I'm going to count to..." You get the picture. The ugly, gory, embarrassing picture.


Not only am I a true monster in those moments, but IT DOES NOT WORK. It never has. The girls get sad and cry and tell me they hate for me to look at them that way. There's enough to permanently crack even a monster mama's heart. But it doesn't really work. The behavior doesn't improve, or if it does it's temporary and fleeting, until they think the monster is back asleep.


So after some serious soul-searching, I've been trying to do it better. I declared the house a "no yell, no fuss" zone. Then, as the first day of our "fresh start" waned into evening, the tired little tempers started to flicker and there were fights. Actually, it's an exaggeration to call them fights - there were arguments. In those little sister fights I occasionally catch one or the other of the girls making the same big spastic meanie face that I make when I'm trying to look threatening. That's another heart cracker. I don't want those beautiful faces to ever look like that, ever want to threaten someone (unless it's for a good cause as a part of a well-earned career path, of course), and I never, ever want them to look at each other that way (which I realize is why I should never look at them that way).


In the spirit of "no yell, no fuss" I calmly and quietly asked Pumpkin to go to her room. I came in a few minutes later and held her in my lap and we had a very gentle, sweet heart-to-heart about how to treat others. We talked about her sister being her best friend, how much it hurts when someone treats her the way she was treating others, and how Jesus lives in her heart and wants her to share his love with others. It felt like a real mom win! We left with hugs and kisses and smiles.


A few minutes later I received, via tiny hand delivery, the note you see below. It was handed to me with complete sincerity so I had to reeeeeallly disguise the laugh that burst out of my mouth/nose as a snort. Granted, the sentiment is sweet, but I think the child maybe took the whole "Jesus is in your heart thing" too literally. Seems she figures if she was in trouble, so was the Jesus in her heart, so she took it upon herself to speak for both of them in apologizing. Not sure what God did wrong, but Pumpkin made sure I knew He was also sorry. And I won't even begin to psychoanalyze the theories at play in her name appearing BEFORE His Almighty Name!


At least she was listening. I guess next we will work on pride ;)


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