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When I think of Heaven...

As is Pumpkin’s MO, this is “sick” week, after a healthy stint last week. We have had our obligatory bi-weekly visit to the Children’s Clinic and have been given another arm (and wallet) load of medicine that Pumpkin refuses to take peacefully.

This week’s medical “guess” at her condition is allergies, though apparently they will not test her for them until she is two. I guess they just figure we’ll sleep in a few years. So, I took Pumpkin’s three prescriptions to the pharmacy and literally choked when I was given my $493 total. Among the various medications that were prescribed this week was a diaper rash cream that alone cost $245. Once I was informed that it was basically a mixture of Desitin and Monistat 7, we promptly removed that from the total and I picked up $10 worth of the OTC creams and mixed them myself.

Also amongst the meds-of-the-week is a once-daily Singulair for her undiagnosed “allergies.” As if shooting liquids into her mouth with a syringe is not hard enough, this medicine comes in a “granule” form. That means it is a packet of dry powder that I am supposed to somehow get her to swallow without mixing it into a bottle. I’m not sure if other people’s babies are weaker or more passive, but I knew right away this was going to be a disaster. I considered having her snort it, but since she cannot yet blow her nose I was not sure how to explain the snort. So, the first night we tried sprinkling it on her food like parmesan cheese. That is a surefire way to end a meal. The next night I first tried to just spoon it into her mouth by myself, which resulted in her blowing the snowy white powder all over me and the kitchen floor. Finally, I had Aaron pin her down and I just poured it down her throat, which lead to near-choking and a white powder beard. I won’t even get into the administration of the prescription eye drops.

Not only is this new allergy medicine insanely difficult to administer to a 24-pound baby, but the side effects are outrageous. In addition to the normal dizziness and drowsiness, we now add hallucinations, night terrors, and suicidal thoughts. Really??? Here I’ve been worried about her falling as she learns to walk and now I have to also be fearful that I’m going to walk in to find her perched on the ledge of her crib. After all of this, and contrary to the Children’s Clinic’s recommendations otherwise, we took it upon ourselves to make Pumpkin an appointment with an out-of-town allergy specialist.

After spending 8/11ths of her life sick, I just cannot rely any longer on the power of guessing that goes on at that clinic. So, hopefully on April 14th we will have some answers and relief for little Pumpkin from someone that does more than run her symptoms through WebMD.

Through all of this, Pumpkin has maintained her sweet, happy demeanor. She is close to walking, starting to “talk” more, and has even started dancing. Her love of music is undeniable – particularly the ABCs, which gets her little tooty fruity shaking every time. We use music to get her to sleep, to entertain her, and to exercise her. I feel it won’t be long before she is taking up an instrument of her own.

She got a present from Uncle Poly and Aunt Corey in the mail yesterday and when she saw her Mickey Mouse towel she started wiggling away (see video). Even this morning, after being up and inconsolable from 12:30-3:00 AM, with us unable to find the source of her tears and only able to stop them by having Aaron pace the floor with her for her two hours, Pumpkin still found her inner rhythm when I put on some old school Counting Crows in the car. It doesn’t matter how tired or stressed I am about her health, to see that little smile followed by her full body baby-shimmy makes the whole world seem perfect. When I think of Heaven, that’s what I see.

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