Skip to main content

I'll Come Runnin'

Sometimes being a working mom is the pits.

I’m not talking about the early morning meetings on less than a few hours of sleep or the late night ones which prevent me from bedtime prayers and tucking in. I’m not talking about working with a baby on one hip and a phone on one shoulder, or with spit up on my documents or, better yet, my blouse. I’m not even talking about the pangs of guilt I feel every time she comes down with something “she caught at daycare.” It’s something much deeper than that. Something that I know I have to fight to overcome. It’s the overwhelming sadness of not being there to witness every discovery, kiss every boo-boo, and rock her every time the world is not perfect. It’s the feeling of having to say goodbye, even if just for a short time.

I guess that feeling isn’t unique to working moms. I think it’s something every mom feels at one time or another. Working moms just get it earlier…and maybe more frequently. Even those moms who are home right now with their respective pumpkins will one day have to send them off to school, or work, or marriage, or something (granted, there are a few Norman Bates out there that will never, ever leave but save for those). Working moms just have to do it sooner and that certainly doesn’t make it easier (at least not in my long 15 months of motherhood).

I had to do it at 8 weeks, then again when she promoted to a new class, and in the future I still have all those other goodbyes to look forward to. I am certain it won’t get easier for me no matter how many times we do it, but, at least for Pumpkin, those futures goodbyes will come with the understanding she lacks now – I will always be here. Goodbyes between mamas and their Pumpkins are only temporary. I get that now; she doesn’t. That is what makes it so hard, especially when she is hurting.

And, sure, I’ve given myself the working mom pep talk – I’m such a great example to Pumpkin of a strong, independent woman; girls can do anything they want, even in male-dominated America; one day she can watch me argue some important case to an appellate court; girls rule; yadda yadda yadda. But this week the pep talk fails. None of that matters. Three inch stilettos and a black suit do nothing to camouflage the mascara stains under my eyes from crying as I watch her on the webcam (not to mention there isn’t enough coffee in the world to rev my engine this morning). Girl power has nothing on the power of a mama’s love (or her broken heart) and sometimes, like today, I wish I could blow off the deadlines and stay in bed all day snuggling with my Pumpkin.

But alas, duty calls. I’ll just rest in the faith that God has her for now (and always) and mama will come runnin’ as quick as she can.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Hello! The Phone is Ringing So I Say Hello!

I’m not sure what I expected, really. I guess I thought that when Pumpkin officially crossed the one year threshold into toddler-hood that things miraculously got easier. I had a little parenting-confidence and puffed my chest out just a little as I slowly toddled with her, grasping onto my index finger, to the doctor’s office for her one year appointment (see video for an idea of how slow slow is). I sat proudly in the “well baby” room (a place we haven’t spent much time) remembering the days I sat in that same room crying, looking frantically around for a spare diaper and praying they wouldn’t call her name before I could unhook her from her carseat (which took a long time back then) and changed her diaper. One year later here I was. We had come so far. I was proud of us and I looked at those new mothers with a little knowing pity. In all my one year of wisdom, I sat there glowing with the realization that the hard times were behind us. I didn’t have a “baby” anymore, I had a toddle...

Good Night, Sleep Tight, Don't Let the...WHAT?

As many of you know, when Pumpkin was first born I was a frantic mess. Every time she inhaled, I timed it and then Googled it to make sure it was "normal." I did not have time to nap, even in those early exhausted days, because I was constantly checking the Internet to make sure that both she and I were doing everything "right." Unfortunately, I realized too late that the Almighty Internet is a wealth of knowledge...and of useless crap. Anyone who wants can post anything they want on the Internet. Take this Blog for instance - I have no particularized knowledge about anything maternal, but I could start writing exclusively about how if your child is not snorting five packets of Kool-Aid each morning, she is doomed to be a terrible speller. Of course this is not true (or at least there is no scientific evidence to back it up), but I could write it here and, based on my writing about my own "experience" some new mother would be at Sam's stocking up on t...

Back to Work

I'm calling this blog "Raising Pumpkin" because Aaron calls our little girl Pumpkin Head. I started this blog for several reasons, one of which is to keep my mother-in-law up-to-date since she lives 1000 miles away. Another is that as I came into the office this morning near tears and frazzled, one of the ladies said my woes gave her chills and that I needed to keep a journal to remember all these things that I would laugh about one day. This is that journal. I hope it can be both an outlet for me as a mother/wife/daughter/sister/friend/lawyer and also bring some comic relief to these days when I just want to scream. So this was my first week back to work...and even though it was a short week, oh how long it felt. Day one was met with tears and nausea as I dropped Pumpkin off at her first of school. I was so worried that she would wake up and not know where she was. Aaron assured me that it wouldn't matter because she never knew where she was. So much for comf...